LET ME HEAR YOU

I had the privilege of attending an incredible conference recently focused entirely on Perinatal Mood Disorders and Care—a powerful and vulnerable deep dive into what it truly means to support someone emotionally, mentally, and holistically through the perinatal period.

We talked about so many factors that can affect someone’s mental health during pregnancy and after birth—medical care, past trauma, relationships, cultural expectations, financial stress, and even how supported (or unsupported) someone feels by their partner, family, or community. It’s all connected. It’s all important. And often, the expectation of how things should go compared to the reality of how things actually feel… that gap can be surprisingly complex and incredibly heavy.

One conversation that really stood out was about how people often don’t feel safe enough to be honest about their experience. They say they’re “fine” because they don’t want to be judged—or they’re afraid of what might happen if they tell the truth. That’s heartbreaking.

So, when we talk about care during the perinatal period, we can’t just talk about medical appointments and routine screenings—we need to talk more about mental health. And that means:

• Feeling safe enough to say, “I’m not okay.”

• Advocating for care that comes with kindness, not judgment.

• Getting help that feels right for you.

• Having people around you who truly show up.

• Speaking out when something just doesn’t feel right—even if you can’t name exactly why.

We don’t talk enough about how many birthing people carry quiet grief, lingering trauma, or unspoken anxiety. About how the joy we’re told to expect can be tangled up with fear, loss, and disappointment. About how much goes unsaid when something just feels off—but you’re too unsure or scared to speak up. So let me speak up.

If any of this speaks to you—whether it’s happening right now, or whether it happened 2 years ago or 10-it matters. You matter.  Talking about it might feel painful or scary, but that vulnerability is a sign of strength. Don’t ignore it. Honor it. Your mental health needs are not a weakness. 

Speak up about the emotional toll of:

• Infertility

• Pregnancy loss

• Postpartum depression

• Postpartum anxiety

• OCD-like behaviors that emerge when you’re trying to protect your baby in every single way

• The heartbreak of a breastfeeding journey that doesn’t go how you hoped and how disappointment sets in every time someone says “Are you breastfeeding? Breastfeeding is best, don’t give up!”

• The resentment, loneliness, or guilt that can build when you’re not feeling supported by your partner, your friends, your family.

  
  

These are all real, valid and more common than you might think. Community matters. Compassion matters. And so does your mental health. If you’re struggling—even quietly, even just a little—please don’t stay silent. Let’s make space for the conversation to start… and to keep going.

Let me hear you,

Julie Shaw, LMSW